My Story

An honest post about my battle for health...

I’m now on medical leave for work, short term disability. I can’t pretend I’m fine anymore. Part of my healing will come from accepting reality, and my authentic transparency to you now is a needed step in this journey to wellness. 

One year ago, I was thriving in my traveling medical sales job, coaching at OrangeTheory Fitness, teaching Power Jam dance at In Motion Fitness, training for a Spartan race, getting engaged, teaching my boys to snowboard. 

Just a few weeks after our wedding, my illness hit, practically overnight. And now, I’m debilitated, physically and often mentally. I’ve been diagnosed with a medically controversial and multi-faceted bag of immune-impairing diseases: Lyme Disease with co-infections & parasites, SIBO, Mast Cell Activation Syndrome, POTS, as far as I know. They are all related, they say. Where do I begin to explain what’s happened? What have I become? What used to be strengths have become weaknesses... my energy, physical activity, ability to think & communicate. Motivation. I used to move quickly and accomplish so much in a day. Now, getting out of bed is a task. And making a phone call feels impossible. There is pain everywhere... muscles, joints, stomach, head. It affects my ability to think, to focus, to remember and sometimes to speak or write.

What used to be easy is now exhausting. The fatigue constantly swirls around me, beckoning me into the blackness of sleep. I live half alive and half awake, dazed in a fog, fighting for consciousness, for energy, to be present with my family. I stand up, and my head spins. My heart races. POTS prevents me from any physical activity. Exercise was my outlet, my way of coping with stress. Now the stress courses through me, generalized from the disruption of neurotransmitters and hormones from nutrient deficiencies. Not even my emotions can be trusted. Everything I eat or drink, every supplement, herb, and pill upsets my stomach. My immune system has turned on itself, and my digestive system can no longer metabolize food or nutrients. What used to make me healthy, makes me sicker. It makes no sense. 

The healthy lifestyle I lived couldn’t prevent it, and neither western nor eastern medicine has a handle on how to treat it. Nothing is the same. Other diseases have medically insured protocols. I wish it were that simple. Because I have the discipline to do what it takes to get well. Ask my husband. I’ve fasted and eaten the strictest, cleanest diet available. I’ve taken the best supplements, herbs, essential oils, injections. I’ve tried half a dozen alternative therapies. I’ve seen specialists. I’ve meditated religiously. I’ve healed old wounds, let go of past trauma. Seeking heaven, I’ve been to hell and back to get well. But what to do is no longer clear. Standard treatments aren’t working. Practitioners are giving up. Resources are limited. Theories are plentiful, but the answers aren’t there. I’m going to have become my own practitioner: analyze the facts, piece together the solutions and create a health plan for my unique situation because $10K a week treatments in Mexico aren’t feasible. Lyme is called “the rich man’s” disease because treatments are outside the scope of insured medicine. What do the rest of us do? Pray. And keeping fighting. Because I want to dance again. I want to play with my kids. I want to walk without feeling faint, eat without pain. I want to think clearly. I want to go back to work. I want to teach, and I want to help others feel well. Because now I know how valuable health is, how fragile our bodies are. I know a small insect can steal your body, mind, heart... take the activities you love, isolate you from your friends and change your world. I thought I was healthy. But I’m weaker than I ever imagined. 

But I promise you, I’m going to get better, somehow, and I when I do, and you become sick, I’ll be ready to help you through it. And I’ll be persistent in helping you, because I know when you’re sick, how hard it is to reach out for help, to do anything at all. So please don’t think I’ve forgotten you or be offended that I haven’t reached out. It’s harder than you know. And now you know why.

The rest of the story.... 2022

Today, four years later, I live with health redefined. I still manage chronic illness, but I feel much differently about it. Because I’ve learned how much of what and how I feel I can actually control. By educating myself and honing my intuition, I’ve learned what lifestyle best suits my well-being. Health is aligning your body with your mind and feeling good about who you are and how you are able to live your day. The gift in my illness is the knowledge, of what foods nourish me, how to supplement for symptoms, how to create a morning ritual that sets you up for the day as your best self. I’ve met my body where it’s at and found ways to feel true joy, more than I thought possible, once I slowed down to listen. I’ve learned how to heal the past, live in the moment and create the future I desire. I’ve learned that exercise is about movement, and the one that makes your body feel good that day is the best choice. I’ve learned our needs change, so a good health coach doesn’t put you on a rigid, universal program but teaches you how to find the answers within and adapts their guidance to you as you grow. I’ve learned that sharing what I’ve learned brings true joy, and it gives my struggles meaning. I’ve learned there’s a better way to live, that I can be there for my loved ones AND take care of myself. I’ve found these gifts and more in it all: the peace in the inner work I’ve done in health’s pursuit, and I’ve learned to love what I’m now able to do with each step of progress, as a new level of gratitude is born out of pain’s contrasting perspective. I’m recovering rapidly, nurturing my body daily with my new tools, and more than that, I’m finding peace in stillness, joy in the process and hope that my experiences will benefit others. I’m now a Certified Health & Nutrition Coach, Life Coach, Reiki Master, Personal Trainer, Group Instructor for dance and Yoga and seasoned meditator. Through my studies and daily rituals, I’ve learned to find and embody my optimal vitality. If my words speak to you, and you want to feel better, please let me help you find your optimal vitality too. We all deserve to feel well, so we can live our life to the fullest.